On Becoming a Mom

Act of God

2011-03-19T13:02:00.004-04:00

Just heard this at the end of a movie on Lifetime. The movie is called "Baby for Sale" and is about a couple who tried to adopt a baby privately only to be caught up in a baby for sale scam. This couple triumphed in the end, getting the so called "baby broker" sent to jail and getting the little girl. This quote is soooo true:

"Childbirth is an act of nature,

but adoption is an act of God."

New Camera

2011-02-08T17:08:00.003-05:00

My old camera needed to be replaced in the worst way. I have had the Kodak digital point & shoot for so long I forgot when I bought it!! It is the type that has a (very small) digital display screen but you had to press a button to turn it "on," so could also take a pic by looking through the viewfinder, reminiscent of the 35mm cameras!! The last few times I used it, I would press the shutter button and it would freeze, and sometimes take the pic, sometimes not, depending on what type of mood it was in.

So it was time to treat myself to a new camera!! And this is what I got, right down to the color and everything!!It is really turning out to be a great camera, takes some great pics!! The old camera was 4.0 megapixels, the Sony is 14.1 megapixels with a Carl Zeiss lens, which I really don't know much about but I should learn!!

Here is a pic taken with the new camera:

What a difference from what pics I took used to look like!! I am very happy with this new purchase!!

Fundraiser for a GREAT CAUSE!

2010-11-18T09:51:00.004-05:00

Even though my own adoption dreams and plans are on hold (perhaps indefinitely), I am so thankful that there are many out there working to bring home children who so desperately need loving homes and families more than anything else in this world!!

One such family, and I can't remember how I found their blog, is working hard to raise the funds to bring Kasidi Joy home from China soon. They have hosted several fundraiser giveaways and the latest prize is a $500 gift card for Wal*Mart. And the best thing is the winner will have this GC in hand before Black Friday.... how cool is that???

Would you consider helping? The details of the giveaway can be found here:

http://k6comehome.blogspot.com/2010/11/gift-card-fundraisergiveaway.html

THE DEADLINE FOR ENTERING IS 3:30 P.M. CST TODAY... THAT'S 4:30 P.M. FOR THOSE OF US ON THE EAST COAST!!!

Good News!

2009-09-20T17:33:00.002-04:00

I know it's been a while since I have posted anything on here! I seem, like many other bloggers, to do more on Facebook than anywhere else these days.

I do have good news to share... no, it is not on the adoption front, although I wish it were. Sad to say, at this point in time I have no idea if that will ever take place. Life has dealt me some tough blows in the last few years.

Yet... I still have good news!! As you know, I have not worked since the end of May... well, save for one day spent subbing in May, I believe but I just cannot recall. I have been searching and searching for months and I will not lie to you - it has been scary and has felt at times like it would never happen. I interviewed a couple of times this summer for teaching positions and felt in both instances like I had nailed it and the job was mine only to discover that dreaded "Dear John" type letter in my mailbox a few days later. I have searched for both teaching and non-teaching jobs as I could not concentrate my efforts in just one area.

So, last week I interviewed for a job that was actually advertised at the beginning of August but not slated to start until October due to the fact that it is a brand new position. I actually clicked on the company website and saw the posting, e-mailed my resume, and when I went back about 2 days later to reread the posting, the ad was GONE, meaning I got in just under the wire for the recruitment effort.

To make a long story short........... I GOT THE JOB!! I cannot tell you how it felt to receive a phone call offering me the position... I had become resigned to the fact that I was the one to receive the thank you but not thank you letters.

I start on October 1st... I will be working for a college, it's a well known local college that has it's own sports teams and everything (no, it's not ODU) in the education department. I am not sure yet all of what the position entails - it is a new position, after all!! But I will be working with teacher education students and still be in the field that I love.

Have I completely given up on teaching?? Absolutely not!!! But this is what God has in store for me now so I will take it.

Seasons of Change

2009-04-15T19:58:00.000-04:00

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV)

Lately, this verse has been playing such a major role in my life. There are so many seasons to ones life.

So why is this verse playing such a major role in my life? I am going through a season of change. You will recall in October when the previous franchise owner of my company abruptly closed our doors. Then within two weeks, our parent company had secured a new franchise owner and we were again open for business. That was a very tough time. Although I was only out of work for 2 weeks, I was never able to collect any unemployment and then was rehired at a low hourly rate at first. The even tougher time was the fallout from the parents of the various students we provided services for. I had to deal with a lot of that fallout as the Center Director but since I had established a very good relationship with the parents it went pretty well. We did have our angry parents but I took that with a grain of salt. The point is I cared enough to appease the parents to let them know that we were going to stay in business and take care of the agreements we had entered into with them under the previous franchise. Maybe I cared too much... I don't know.

My new season of change is that I have again fallen victim to this recessional economy we are living in. On March 31st, I was laid off yet again. Twice in 5 months is two times too many in my book. The company is still open, the decision was simply made that my job could be handled for a while in a different fashion since we weren't bringing in the amount of money our goals required. I have no idea what the budget was to keep the center running, I was not privy to that information... although I should have been. Nothing I can do about that now.

So I'm looking again... OK, I've really been looking since January. I am currently in the running for 3 different positions and am at different points in the interview process for all three. I am praying hard that one of these works out.

Seasons of change.... I am hoping and praying that this new season of change has not completely dashed my adoption plans. How can I even begin the adoption process without a steady source of employment? I always knew I wasn't going to stay with the small business... the benefits just weren't there. I just didn't think, plan, or know that this was going to happen.

And how addicted are you?

2009-02-03T21:29:00.001-05:00

58%

iPod Tag... lots of fun! (Who Knew... read on, to see what this means)

2009-01-29T23:27:00.005-05:00

If you are reading this post... please scroll down and also read the post I made yesterday!!

I saw this posted on another blog and thought it looked like a lot of fun!! I actually did what is asked last night but didn't feel like posting it. Some of it is kind of silly and truly doesn't apply to me but I had a lot of fun!! It also gives away my extremely ecclectic taste in music... my iPod contains songs from the many CDs I own as well as those I haved ownloaded from iTunes.

Here it is:

1. Put your iPod (or MP3 player) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Above All………. Michael W. Smith

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Live Like You Were Dying……. Tim McGraw

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Jesus is Life………… Steven Curtis Chapman

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Breathe……….. Michael W. Smith (Wow… what a song to play for this one!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I’m Alright……………. Jo Dee Messina

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Will Survive…………… Gloria Gaynor

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Angel Eyes……… The Jeff Healey Band

WHAT IS 2+2?
Live Out Loud……… Steven Curtis Chapman

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing………… Aerosmith

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Even God Must Get the Blues……. JoDee Messina

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Don’t Want to Wait…….. Paula Cole

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Butterfly…………. Mariah Carey

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Lessons Learned….. Carrie Underwood (Ha! Ha!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
With Arms Wide Open……….. Creed

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Inside Your Heaven………. Carrie Underwood

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Who Says You Can’t Go Home……. Bon Jovi & Jennifer Nettles

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Big Girls Don’t Cry……………. Fergie

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Steady On………….. Point of Grace

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
You Dropped a Bomb on Me………… The Gap Band

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
8th World Wonder………. Kimberly Locke

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Anyway…………………. Martina McBride

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
100 Years……….. Five for Fighting

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
When Love Takes You In…….. Steven Curtis Chapman (how appropriate… a song about adoption)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
A Broken Wing…………….. Martina McBride (Hmmmmmmm...)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Shadow………. Ashlee Simpson

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Tears in Heaven……… Eric Clapton

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
You and Me………….. Lifehouse

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Every Day………… Rascal Flatts

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Who Knew………. Pink

Basically, if you read my blog, consider yourself tagged!! I don't do things like this very often, but I really needed some good fun and a laugh.

Fight FOCA (Freedom of Choice Act)

2009-01-28T22:28:00.005-05:00

Edited on Jan. 29th.... I was finally able to watch the video on the website and all I can say is.... Wow. Please, please... sign this petition.

A friend of mine forwarded me an e-mail this evening. Here is the text of this e-mail:

Please take a few minutes to read about the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) that President-elect Obama has promised to sign into law. This Act would undo thirty years of pro-life legislation at the state and federal levels. It would allow partial-birth abortion and would force faith-based and other private hospitals and doctors to perform abortions. It would undo parental notification laws as well. You can sign the petition against FOCA at the website below. It's very easy and takes about 15 seconds. Also there's a brief video of Mr. Obama on the right at a Planned Parenthood meeting.

I have visited this site and have signed the petition. If you believe that extinguishing the lives of the unborn is not the way of God, I urge you to do the same. Simply click on the button I have placed here, and it is now in my side bar as well.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let is Snow

2009-01-19T20:35:00.003-05:00

So we are expecting snow tonight and into tomorrow. I've lived here my whole life so have learned to never believe it until there is accumulation... not that we ever get that much accumulation anyway!!

We do get snow. The biggest snowstorm that has happened in my lifetime that I can recall was in 1980. We had huge snowdrifts, the entire city was practically paralyzed. The hospitals were taking to the news stations to call on all people with 4 wheel drive vehicles to help get medical personnel to work. I was 13 years old at the time and we lived in a ground floor apartment. The unit above us was occupied by a lady with 2 teenage sons that my sisters and I were friends with. We had fun jumping off their balcony into the snowdrifts!! I cannot remember how much school we missed. One of the biggest news stories surrounding this particular storm is that the circus was in town and people actually had to spend the night at Norfolk Scope because the authorities would not let anyone leave.

Mary... you'll love this!! (if you don't know who Mary is, she's one of my blogging buddies and lives in Wisconsin). We are expecting maybe 3 or 4 inches and it is all over the news like crazy!!

ETA.... sorry for such a boring post but I"m really trying hard for more than 31 posts in 2009!!!

Praying for Abby...

2009-01-14T20:43:00.003-05:00

Won't you join me?? See the button in my sidebar, it will link you to her family's blog. This precious little girl needs our prayers.

Decisions, Decisions

2009-01-03T23:34:00.003-05:00

It strikes me that life is full of decisions. These decisions make a major difference in a person's life. In the last few days, I have been seriously thinking of the various decisions I have made in my life and how they have affected me. Then it hit me... how many of these decisions have I tried to make on my own and how many of them have I put in the hands of the Lord and trusted Him to direct me in the right path? I'm afraid I have been quite lax in not trusting my Lord and Saviour to help me with the big and little areas of my life. I have always leaned towards Proverbs 3:5 as my life's verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Now I realize that I need to look at Proverbs 3:6 as well: "in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

This makes so much sense to me today, but it really didn't in the past. I have been a believer for 10 years now and it never gets any easier to put all my worries into His hands and trust that he will set me straight. I've been praying about this a lot lately. The clear direction I am seeing right now is that I need to take action in some areas of my life. Since my employment debacle of a couple months ago, I have really been seeking guidance. I love what we do - help children. I don't love the financial aspect of it, and it is my job to "sell" the program. We do make a difference in the lives of children, I just hate telling parents how much $$$ it will cost them in order for this difference to be made. And the hardest part of this position is the working hours. I work until 8pm at night so I eat way too late and stay up way too late, thus not getting up early in the morning to get things done around the house and run errands, etc. This is what I envisioned for my life when I first went full time with this company in May of last year. I can't keep working this schedule - it has turned me into a crazy night owl and I can't even go to bed at a decent time and wake up at a decent time on the weekends. So, in this crazy economy we are all living in, I have made the decision... no wait, I have asked for and gotten a clear answer on the path I should take... to look for something that better fits my life. At the present time, I still have no health insurance, no life insurance, and no retirement account to contribute to. I don't know what kind of vacation time I am allowed either... all questions which have been asked and not answered.

The biggest reason I have been on this new journey in life, to seek God's will and get on the right path, is so that I can finally adopt a child. I have been researching what countries are available to me and there are more countries than I originally thought. I need to get settled in a comfortable work environment with hours that are conducive to parenthood so that I can make this dream come true.

The only thing in my life I am not willing to give up to make this dream come true is my Faith. Without that, I am nothing but a shell.

Reflections on 2008

2008-12-31T12:54:00.005-05:00

As I sit here at work on the last day of the year, I am prompted to reflect on this year. What has happened this year to me personally that is of any significance? What has happened in our nation and world?

Well, we have elected our first black President. Although I was not an Obama supporter, he is, or at least will be as of January 20th, our President and I will support him in any way that I can. We continue to be involved in Iraq and who knows how long that will go on. I do not profess to understand any of what is going on in that regard so cannot comment on the situation.

Personally, as I have documented on this blog, it is the desire of my heart to adopt a child. Yet another year has passed without any progress towards said adoption as there are still other areas of my life that need attention first.

Other areas of my life are documented here on my blog so I do not need to go back over my work situation - it is too draining to even think of typing it all out yet again.

As 2008 draws to a close, I have but one thought on my mind for 2009. It is the same thought that was on my mind one year ago.... when will I be a mother?

Wishing everyone a joyous New Year!! Please be careful tonight if you are going to be out and about.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-23T23:04:00.006-05:00

Wishing everyone a very joyous holiday.

May we never forget...

"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.' Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying:
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. "

Luke 2:9-14

Scroll to the bottom!

2008-12-11T23:54:00.001-05:00

Scroll to the bottom and leave a gift under my "Christmas tree"!!

This is a cute little toy that I posted on another site I have last year and just did it again this year.

Watch this!

2008-12-05T19:32:00.002-05:00

This was an elf yourself video I made with me and my cats... it was only available until January 15th, unfortunately!!!

Until next year...

Why do I let things like this bother me?

2008-12-05T15:58:00.002-05:00

So today is my day off and I decided to have lunch at Chik Fil*A while I was out running some errands. I get my order (chargrilled chicken club, usually very yummy!!) and go sit down to eat. Since I was there by myself, I had decided to bring my book inside to read while I was eating. As I started to eat, I realized that I had sat right by a big group of young moms and their children. It was then that I overheard the thing that is bothering me. One of the young mothers starts talking about how now that she is married and has children she doesn't feel like her friends who are single understand her anymore so really prefers to hang out with "people of her own kind"... that is, married and with children. She made some, in my opinion, quite disparaging remarks about those who are still single and their attitudes towards those who have children.

Well, this rocked me in a way that I simply cannot explain. Now maybe she was talking about some friends who have treated her horribly since her life has changed in that manner. But when I related what she said to my own life situation it felt like daggers hitting my heart. Here I am, 42 years old and still single. I've met quite a few men in my life but none that ended up being the type I would marry. And I have no idea at this point if I will even marry. But the bigger thing, for me is the fact that I desperately want children. And I have no ill feelings towards those who do have children - I understand it completely changes your life. I want that change in my life. But I am not able to have children, not married, and not financially able to pursue my dream right now - adoption.

So here I sit with an aching heart, yet again, and it is the holiday season - the time when my heart aches the most. I despise waking up alone on Christmas morning but it's what I have to do for now.

Please excuse this completely self pitying sounding post.... I had to get it off my chest.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T22:38:00.008-05:00

May your turkey be filled with warm stuffing, and your homes filled with warm hearts and thoughts on this holiday of thanks.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever."

Psalm 107:1

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.

So what happened?

2008-11-22T22:00:00.003-05:00

Heck, I don't know how many readers I really have or even if anyone is wondering what happned... but here goes.

Yes, the new franchisee has taken over and closed 2 of the 3 centers on "this side" of the water (if you are local, you know what I mean). Of the 3 centers, the one I am currently in was the most centrally located. Quite a few of the kids from the closed centers have made the switch with us as well as most of the teachers. We how have 1 huge center with lots of kids receiving instruction. Still dealing with some parents who wanted their money back rather than make the extra drive and fit it all in with family schedules, etc. I am the Center Director and I have 2 Assistant Directors because we are so big.

So that is it in a nutshell... I am employed, was out of work for about 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks did a number on me financially though and we have all taken a significant pay cut which isn't good. We are awaiting word on our benefits and I have a scary feeling it won't be good working in such a small business. It's still very scary... it could happen again. I am still praying for the Lord's direction...

My Site has been Nominated!!!

2008-11-17T19:31:00.002-05:00

I have no idea who nominated me but I was nominated for a "Love This Site" award!!! How cool is that??? Anyway, the box to take you to the voting site is in the sidebar, vote for me!!!

Quick Update

2008-11-07T12:41:00.002-05:00

Well... a new franchisee has taken over and we have reopened for business. It's not exactly a celebration because so much is still uncertain. We have angry parents to contend with, confused kids, and confused teachers. We have merged three centers into one so I am not sure what my role will be as of yet. And I am also making considerably less than I made before until everything is all settled. There is a chance I will get the same position again but I am really unsettled by it all still. I am still looking as I think it would be a good idea to get into something a little more stable (but I wonder what exactly is stable anymore) and with more regular hours - working until 8:00 p.m. is dreadful.

Thanks for all your prayers and kind words!!

Update... kind of

2008-10-29T16:03:00.002-04:00

First, thank you for the kind comments on my last post. It really means a lot to me that people in the blogging world are praying for me.

The only "update" I have is dealing with my employment situation. And that is there is no update. We are awaiting word on whether or not we are going to reopen. The attorneys for the franchisee I worked for and the attorneys for the corporate offices are haggling it out with the negotiations and that is preventing us from reopening. A representative from the corporate offices is in town but because of the stall with the negotiations, she cannot legally enter any of the centers nor can she legally speak to any of us. It's like being in limbo but it's scary at the same time. There are some rumors that they may condense the cneters which means they will not need all of the employees. If asked to go back, I will go in order to help the kids but with this being such an uncertain business now, I am actively looking for a new position. I would dearly love to return to the classroom on a full time basis and sometimes positions like that do open up in the middle of the school year.

Right now I am just praying for God's will in all of this... trying to figure out what He wants me to do. It's not easy.

Just when you think things might be looking up...

2008-10-25T11:11:00.002-04:00

Why oh why do I even think things are going to go well finally?? My father is battling lung cancer, had surgery this summer and they removed one of his lungs. He stopped his chemo recently because it was just too much for him. He has had health problems for a long time now. Then about a week after I got back from NJ, my Mom informed everyone that she had lost her job after 18 1/2 years with the same company. Then she got the results of a recent CAT scan and they thought she had a tumor in her lung. She had another CAT scan done and it turns out it was an inflammation so they want her to have another one done in February just to check on the progress. And they have asked her to stop smoking but we shall see about that.

This past week the owner of my learning center has been acting very strange, saying he was sick and unavailable and then showing up asking for all kinds of last minute reports on Wednesday. On Thursday he calls to say that we are changing payroll companies and he wants us to fax him payroll through that day so he can send it to the company he is letting go and have them process one final paycheck run before the new company takes over.

I got up this morning and went into work to get the biggest bombshell of all. He dissolved the company yesterday and we are all out of a job. We will be paid through Thursday and that is it. And I just went to training in September!!!! The corporate offices are going to be coming into town this week to take a look at everything and see what can be done. The possibilities at this point are that they will take over or another franchisee will buy our centers. But it is all up in the air at this point in time. So come Monday morning I am back to being a substitute teacher........

I just want this nightmare to end, I can't take it!!!!!!! This is the second time in 2 years I have been faced with the possibility of no income. I am too old for this.

Pray please........

Too funny!!!

2008-10-20T00:16:00.001-04:00

And this is the real Gov. Palin on SNL!! I wish I had watched the show, but I hardly ever do anymore.

Today

2008-10-19T17:20:00.002-04:00

So today is my birthday. And I'm not looking for birthday greetings from anyone... :).

I am just reflecting on the fact that I am officially another year older, another year past the 40 mark, and have no idea at this point if I will ever be a Mom. I am happy for my cousin who had her second little girl in August, I am happy for another cousin (sister of the first one) who is expecting her 3rd boy in January, but I wish something like that was happening for me.

Oh, and I am excited for Shannon, who just received her referral very unexpectedly in the middle of the month, congratulations again!!

I hope that the news is much better by this time next year!!

Trip to NJ & NYC

2008-10-08T21:42:00.009-04:00

My last post mentioned that I was traveling. I've been back home since Sept. 27th, very very very late that night. I was sooo exhausted!! 2 weeks in a hotel is just 2 weeks too much... unless of course you are relaxing in the Carribean somewhere! This was a business trip so all expenses were paid for, aside from my side trip to Manhattan. I got pretty tired of eating out, to say the least! I was so happy when my sister invited me over for dinner the first full day I was home. She made rotisserie chicken (she owns a rotisserie), macaroni & cheese casserole, and steamed broccoli. It was the best meal I'd had in weeks!!

Anyway, here are some photos from the trip.

Ciao Bella Gelato Cafe was the cutest little cafe right around the corner from my hotel. I stayed in Tenafly, NJ, a very picturesque little village in NJ. I ate at this place a number of times - delicious paninis and crepes!! And their gelato milkshake was very good as well.

This was my first view of the NYC skyline. This picture was taken from the window of the # 166 bus!! The bus picked us up right in front of the hotel and dropped us off at the Port Authority Terminal on 42nd St.

NYPD welcomes you to Times Square!!

We had dinner here. It was very crowded and very loud!!

This ad was actually on the outside of Toys be Us in Times Square. And I do heart Ugly Betty!! This Toys be Us was quite amazing... there was a 4 story ferris wheel inside the store and the cars each represent a child's favorite toy.

Radio City Music Hall!! I didn't go inside. My AD's aunt was actually a Rockette for 14 years!!

It really is the world's largest store, at least in my opinion!! 9 floors and a cellar. They had their Christmas floor in the works... on the 9th floor. The 7th floor is the children's clothing and there is a full service McDonald's on that floor!! We ate at a very neat place in the cellar, and I had the best NY cheesecake for dessert.

Me inside Macy's... the home furnishings floor.

Rockefeller Center. And I got really dizzy leaning way back and looking up to take this shot!!

Pretty self explanatory... this is where the famous tree is placed every year!!

NBC News studio... where they film the Today Show every morning. See the marquee? We saw those all over Times Square!

The weekend in NYC was great, but very very tiring!! I don't think I have ever walked so much in my entire life. I have great respect for the people who live there and have to walk everywhere just because of the sheer volume of traffic and the cost to keep a car in the city.

Traveling

2008-09-14T10:48:00.002-04:00

So I'm leaving today... in fact my flight leaves in a little over 2 and a half hours. And I'm still at home!! I'm getting ready to head to my sister's house where I'm leaving my car while I'm gone. When I fly back home in 2 weeks, my flight doesn't land until after 10:30 at night so I'm going to have them leave my car at the arrivals parking lot and call me on my cell to tell me where I can find it.

So it's off to 2 weeks of training for work... better be interesting!!!! Next weekend will be time in New York City with my best friend, her husband, and daughter.

See you when I get back!!

Best Cities for Singles?

2008-09-05T19:36:00.003-04:00

I saw a link on Yahoo that sounded interesting so I clicked on it. Forbes Magazine has done one of their polls ending with a ranked listing of the top 40 cities for singles. Here are the results:

1. Atlanta
2. San Francisco
3. Dallas
4. Minneapolis
5. Washington, D.C.
6. Seattle
7. Boston
8. New York City
9. Orlando
10. Phoenix
11. Chicago
12. Denver - Aurora
13. Miami
14. Austin
15. San Antonio
16. Los Angeles
17. Houston
18. Charlotte
19. San Diego
20. St. Louis
21. Columbus
22. Philadelphia
23. Tampa - St. Petersburg
24. Las Vegas
25. Baltimore
26. Virginia Beach - Norfolk?
27. Detroit
28. Pittsburgh
29. Portland
30. Buffalo
31. Milwaukee
32. Sacramento
33. Cincinnati
34. Memphis
35. Providence
36. Kansas City
37. Indianapolis
38. Cleveland
39. Salt Lake City
40. Jacksonville

This was very interesting to me, indeed. I think this is one of the first times I have seen my area listed on a poll like this but I just have one question. If it is ranked 26th on the list of the best cities for singles, then why don't I realize that?

This was actually more of a good laugh to me than anything else. I haven't posted in a while so I figured better this than nothing!!

Life Goes On

2008-07-27T17:45:00.002-04:00

Life does go on. Maybe not in the direction I wanted it to at this point but it's not like I can stop it. So I make sure I am taking care of what I need to take care of - housework, laundry, etc. Most of the time it feels like I am moving about in a hypnotic state and just don't care about it. I feel like I do that at work too. This will be a different week, though, because the regional director and I are swapping places starting this week. She will be the acting director at the center where I've worked for almost a year and I will be the director at another of our centers. It's not much farther away for me as far as driving goes. We shall see how it goes.

Short post, I know, but there really isn't much going on.

Heartaches

2008-06-27T23:56:00.002-04:00

How do I explain this?? My heart is aching tonight... I want to be a mother more than I can even express with words. I have this overwhelming feeling that I am SUPPOSED to be a mother. I made the unwise decision to visit a few adoption blogs and am sitting here with tears streaming down my face.... and my heart is crying out to God to make the aching go away...

New Look

2008-06-24T18:33:00.001-04:00

So I decided that my blog needed a facelift. I tried several different layouts but most of them made it impossible to read my posts and since posting is what a blog is all about they just didn't work!! Let me know what you think of the new look!!

I just realized that the last time I talked about my new job I said that I was going to be Assistant Director of Education at my company. Well.... due to some staffing changes just as I was coming on board in a full time role, I was actually offered and accepted the position of Center Director. It's a big job, lots of responsibilities and a little scary to think of it all. But I am taking it one day at a time and trusting that the Lord dropped this in my lap for a reason. I still miss teaching in the classroom but this is where I am supposed to be right now.

Nothing new on the adoption front. I sometimes think I gave this blog the wrong name... maybe it should have been Will I Ever Be a Mom?

23 Years Ago Today...

2008-05-25T12:38:00.005-04:00

Wow, how fast time flies. It just hit me that 23 years ago today was my Senior Prom. So I looked through the photo album my Mom made me a few years ago and found a pic of that day. It's the only one I have, unfortunately. About 8 years ago or so my hot water heater burst in the place where I was living and it ran all day while I was gone, ruining the boxes I had stored in the room with it. Along with that was a box that contained photo albums and lots and lots of memories.

But here is the pic of my senior prom. Believe it or not, this style of gown was the way to go back then!! My hair looks so big!! I styled it myself, there was no going to get it done back then. My date was my boyfriend of the time. And I'm the one who drove that night!!!

Today...

2008-05-15T20:27:00.002-04:00

So today was my last day at my full time job. It was kind of a low key day. The people who were nicest were very happy for me. Others were the same. Oh well... I am moving on.

I am praying and thinking about a new opportunity that has landed in my lap. It's with the same place that just promoted me... they are looking at an even higher position for me due to some recent personnel changes. They have the confidence in me, I just need to find the confidence in myself. I'll know more and most likely have a decision by mid next week.

Whatever you do...

2008-05-14T22:19:00.005-04:00

Make sure that when you vote for the winner of American Idol next week you vote for.....

David!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister just called to say this to me so I couldn't resist. I do have my favorite of the Davids... although my absolute fav this season was Carly Smithson. But my favorite David is David Cook so he will be getting all my votes next week!!!

News...

2008-04-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

In my last post I mentioned a career change coming up soon. Well, I was officially offered, and accepted, the promotion today!! It has been in the works for a couple of months now and I've already been slowly learning the position as I have been working part-time there, as a teacher/tutor.

I am waiting until this Friday to give notice at my current full time job so as of May 19th, my new job title will be Assistant Director of Education. To protect myself, I'm not saying where but if you know me than you know where I work part-time!! If something goes awry with giving notice, as can happen because of the Virginia employment laws, I will be able to start there immediately.

I am really excited to begin this new chapter. I will actually be flying to New Jersey in a few weeks for some training so I'm looking forward to getting out of town as well. The main office for our center is only about 30 minutes from NYC so I'm hoping to get back into that city. I haven't been there since 1984 and we all know how much has changed in the 24 years since I've been there!!

Long overdue post

2008-04-25T09:16:00.002-04:00

Hi! Wow, I didn't realize I hadn't posted on here in so long. There really is nothing new to report. I've just been busy working both of my jobs and following Idol and DWTS. Pretty boring.

I am in the midst of making yet another career change. Losing my teaching position after last year was such a blow to my ego that I have yet to recover. I had many teaching interviews last summer and none of them came to fruition. In the meantime, I began substitute teaching in the public school system and tutoring on a part time basis. In December I took a position at a college where I used to work. Suffice it to say that I am really not happy with the work I am doing at this position but I kind of knew that would happen as I would not be using my degree and doing what I felt called to do. The change I am making puts me back into the education world on a full time basis although it is not teaching. I am not going to say anything more about it at this point until it happens... I feel as though I can jinx things which I know is strange but considering what this last year has been like I am just a little wary.

I received a phone call the other day from a teacher I worked with last year. She has now retired and was telling me that things are really going down hill at the school where I was. There are at least 7 of the teachers on medication for stress and anxiety, and these are women who would not normally have to take such meds. One teacher actually went out on medical leave a few months ago due to extreme anxiety and has since returned to work at a different school at her doctor's recommendation. The main reason this teacher called me is to ask if I would be willing to share what happened to me in order to support yet another teacher who is under attack. I did not hesitate to say yes because while I was a first year teacher this particular woman has 20 years of experience and does not deserve to be treated in such a manner. I know I am being vague but this is a public blog so I do not feel comfortable posting any more specific details.

Ok... such a negative post!! Nothing new in the adoption world except the fact that I still very much hope and pray to be able to adopt one day very soon. I just feel like I am supposed to be a parent even if I do not find my soulmate and get married. The thing is even if I did get married I am most likely not able to have a biological child of my own so would end up adopting anyway.

Time to get back to work....

Silly boys...

2008-02-24T17:00:00.004-05:00

Today my nephews came over for a couple hours while my sister went to the nail shop. They were being silly, as usual, and I played a song on my computer (old Shania Twain but it's a cute one!) and they both came running in the room and started dancing. Actually, by the time I grabbed the camera the older one had sat down but the young one was still boogying away!! Enjoy:

I'm exhausted...

2008-02-16T21:07:00.003-05:00

I'm completely exhausted... this was WAY harder to do than I ever thought it would be. I had the hardest time getting it all together. I hope the end result is worth it (meaning I better get a good night's sleep!).

Friday Night and the Weekend's Here!

2008-02-15T21:59:00.004-05:00

Since the title of my last post was "Monday, Monday" this seemed appropriate as the next title!

I am soooo glad the weekend is here. For the first time in almost 6 months, I am off work on a Saturday!! I had decided several weeks ago to take the day off so I could at least go to ONE of my nephew's basketball games. He is playing in one of the local Upwards basketball leagues but only has about 2 or 3 games left in this season. I am looking forward to sleeping a little later tomorrow since I usually have to be up and out of the house, somewhat professionally dressed, in order to be at the tutoring center by 9am. But the game doesn't start until 11am so I get to sleep a little!!

And tomorrow I go pick up my new bed!! I am so excited about that. Tonight I tackled the job of taking apart the old bed, then rearranging the furniture in my bedroom in preparation for tomorrow. Now I have my old bed and mattress set in the 3rd bedroom, the new mattress set in my computer room, and my bedroom sits mostly empty for just a few more hours, yippeee!!

Gee, could I be more sillier, being this excited about a new bed?

On a more somber note, I am in shock and disbelief that our nation has suffered yet another senseless school shooting this week. I wanted to offer my prayers along with everyone else's. Lord, I ask for your prayers of peace among the many who knew and loved the victims of this senseless tragedy. Give them the strength and the wisdom to get through the sad days ahead and to find a way to go on. I pray that the students of Northern Illinois University are able to continue their studies despite all that has happened. I ask all of this in the name of your son, Jesus. Amen.

In honor of the victims:

Monday, Monday

2008-02-11T08:16:00.000-05:00

Who likes Mondays? Not me!!!! Especially when you've had a pretty nice, but busy, weekend.

This weekend I finally received a package I had been waiting for... I have bought a book from Amazon.com called "Adopting On Your Own: The Complete Guide to Adoption for Single Parents." I haven't had time to really start reading it but at first glance it looks as though it will have a lot of good information for me. Thanks to Mary for posting it on her blog in the list of books she has read! I also have an adoption handbook that my sister has lent to me. She has an 8 year old son they adopted domestically but the book does have a section on international adoption as well.

Now the reason why I didn't have time to read that book this weekend is because I was so busy!! I had to work on Saturday, then I went big time shopping in the afternoon. I haven't been able to sleep really well in a long time so decided it was time to finally do something about it. Since I can get a better night's sleep when I'm not actually sleeping in my bed it didn't take long to figure out that the bed was the culprit. Waking up stiff and sore every day was a big clue. So Saturday I got a nice new mattress set from a store called The Dump... it's an interesting place with lots of great deals on furniture! I didn't see the actual bed I wanted there so after bringing home the mattress set, thanks to my brother-in-law, and having dinner with my sister, brother-in-law, and the kids, I went to Value City Furniture where I bought a beautiful new bed that I will pick up next Saturday! Then it was off to Sears for a new comforter and sheets, and new pillows too. They were having a great sale. So it turned out to be the best weekend to buy all of this, the bed was on sale too. Sunday I had a few more errands to run, then I came home to do laundry and rearrange my living room. By the time I finish straightening out my bedroom next weekend (I'm going to rearrange it too), I think I'll be exhausted.

Here's the new bed I bought, not the same mattress set of course, but it will be so pretty!

Where do I blog?

2008-01-26T19:28:00.000-05:00

Just for fun... I thought I'd post a pic of my computer set up. I actually just cleaned and reorganized things in this room last weekend, it wasn't looking so pretty before that, not that it's all that pretty now, just looks better!! The computer is actually open to the home page of my myspace site.

not a good day...

2008-01-17T20:28:00.000-05:00

For some strange reason, today was one of those days where I just wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there, just waiting for it to be over. I felt all day like I was doing everything wrong and it would never be right. Then, to make matters worse, a co-worker's daughter came to visit him with her new baby. He was proudly showing off his brand new grandson and I don't begrudge him or the mother the pride, he is a beautiful baby. But this gentleman just turned 50 and has a beautiful new grandson to show off. I, on the other hand, am 41 and I don't even have children yet. I want to get this adoption journey started, I know it's what I am supposed to do but there are still obstacles in my way. I did read on another blog that there might be some positive changes happening for adoptions from Guatemala so I am hopeful about that at least.

Maybe I won't crawl under that rock after all... I think I just need a good cry.

About a year ago...

2008-01-06T18:07:00.000-05:00

What a difference a year makes!! A year ago I was in the worst pain I had ever felt in my whole life. I basically felt as though I were having a heart attack 24/7. Nothing I did could alleviate the pain... no amount of painkillers, etc. would even touch it. I slept lying straight on my back with a heating pad which most nights actually did allow me to sleep. A co-worker of mine suggested that my symptoms sounded exactly like what she went through when she needed to have her gallbladder out. Knowing how difficult gallbladder problems are to diagnose, I demanded that my doctor check me for this and surprisingly enough my demands were met. I was sent to the hospital for a GB ultrasound. I had to be there super early on a Friday morning, 6am to be precise. The ultrasound tech did her job, then told me that she wasn't supposed to say anything but that I could expect to be having surgery very soon as I definitely had stones. I then had to start stalking my doctor's office for the results of the ultrasound because my pain was not only not going away, but it was intensifying. I finally went back to the urgent care part of my doctor's office on Saturday and they called in to consult with a surgeon who said I should be given a pretty good painkiller and if that didn't take care of the problem, I was to page the surgeon and they would admit me directly to the hospital for emergency surgery. So the doctor at the urgent care put me on Vicodin and that did the trick, I felt pain-free for the first time in about 2 weeks.

Now did I mention that I was a teacher at the time, and had a class of 26 5th grade students that I was teaching while feeling like I was having a heart attack 24/7?? That was no fun. Then I was teaching while on this super painkiller. Quick emergency surgery over the weekend would not have been a good idea as I had no sub plans written, and no way to let a sub know how my classroom discipline plan worked, who the trustworthy students were, etc. I ended up at the surgeon's office on Monday afternoon and they said yep, you're having surgery and the sooner the better (ummm.. no duh, I had that figured out already!). I was home about 30 - 45 minutes when the scheduling desk from the surgeon's office called to tell me that Thursday, Jan. 11th was the day. So I went into school the next day (Tuesday, Jan. 9th) to let my AP know I needed time off and start preparing sub plans for about 2 weeks. I was given a wonderful sub, she was a retired teacher who was always around our school so she came to see me after school that day and we talked awhile, then she came back Wednesday afternoon and I introduced her to the kids, telling them I was going to be out for a little while due to a medical procedure. What shocked faces!! The sub stuck around with me after school and took the Social Studies materials from me, telling me she would take care of that, I just needed to let her know what to do for the other subjects.

The surgery was fine but lasted longer than expected as it turned out that my gallbladder was way more infected than expected. They came very close to completely opening me up but thank God my surgeon was able to complete the procedure laparoscopically (I think I spelled that right!). But I woke up with a drainage tube and a little bottle due to the infection in my liver and had to stay in the hospital for 2 nights. No fun!!

But it's been a year now and I am so thankful that is all behind me. The only lingering side effect I have is that after I went back to work last year, I suffered a gallbladder attack, even though I didn't have one, as a result of eating a very healthy salad for lunch (I didn't know my body couldn't handle the roughage yet). That attack, and the resulting sickness, was almost worse than what I had gone through before the surgery. So the lingering side effect is I still cannot eat a salad... even looking at lettuce makes me think of how sick I got and I start to feel sick. I can eat veggies and I can cook with them, just can't put it all together in a salad yet. I am hoping that goes away soon because salads are sooo good!!!

I know this post is totally nonrelated to the topic of my blog, but there is simply nothing new to report on that front. I still cannot even begin the process.

When prayers are answered...

2007-12-13T20:24:00.000-05:00

I've been looking for a full time job since this summer. I've been frustrated at times and I've felt like giving up at times. I so want to get this adoption journey started but so many other factors have to line up first, the most important being me having gainful employment. Then, of course, there are the issues facing international adoption at the present moment but I'm trying not to think about that.

Last night I was feeling more and more frustrated. I am so tired of being a substitute teacher. The kids have absolutely no respect for their regular teachers much less a substitute. Don't get me wrong, I've had some wonderful days subbing and met some truly great kids. I have a stack of drawings and notes they have given me at the end of the day to show for it. But it's really a thankless job and it's hard not knowing from one day to the next whether or not I am working, and what time I have to be at work.

Knowing that I had a job interview this morning, I decided to give my frustrations to the Lord last night. I prayed for Him to take this burden from me and said that the only thing I wanted for Christmas was a "real" job. The interview went extremely well. I used to work for this company so I already know a lot about it and I still have a really good friend who works there. She actually "telecommutes" because she lives in a different state. About an hour after I got home from the interview and my trip to the post office and the grocery store, I received a phone call offering me the position. Of course, I accepted!!! So I start work on Monday.

I don't know where this will take me. But I do know that this company is really good about allowing people to telecommute even if they live locally. Which would be ideal for a single mother with a newly adopted baby!!

So I am going to take this journey for now. I am going to keep the tutoring job, but I just won't work as many hours there.

And the rest of it is in the hands of the Lord....

Christmas Shopping.... and more

2007-12-02T23:30:00.000-05:00

So I decided to start my Christmas shopping today. I never intended to start this late but wasn't sure I was going to be doing Christmas at all this year. I decided to do it but to keep it small, after all it is the thought that counts. So far I have bought small gifts for my 2 wonderful nephews. I know they will get so much from everyone in their lives, from parents to grandparents to their other aunt but I wanted them to have something special from me.

I am praying that this holiday season will bring good news to everyone. I pray for those who are currently awaiting referrals and TAs from China. I pray for those who are awaiting for that "out of PGN" or "Pink" call from Guatemala. And I pray for those who are waiting for their opportunity to get this crazy but so worth it process started. There is so much uncertaintity in it all for me, but I am not giving up hope.

Never forget:

Is it really the beginning of the holiday season???

2007-11-18T13:04:00.000-05:00

I saw this on another blog and I just couldn' resist!! It is so hard to believe that the holiday season is upon us. Just click on this link for a fun surprise, and I don't mind if you laugh!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9540865244

Nothing new to report...

2007-11-03T21:19:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I posted so I just thought I'd say there's nothing new to report. I'm working very hard at the jobs I do currently have but they are not what I want for the long term. And yes, I did say jobs... I have 2 of them!!

I keep hoping and praying that some things in my life will start looking up, first on the job front so that I can get back on track and start the adoption process. I think I should probably start some of the paper process early, like making sure I have my birth certificate, deciding who to get my references from, etc. I do have a passport since I've already traveled outside of the country twice - to China in 1999 and to Ukraine in 2002. I know I needed my birth certificate for my passport but the question is... where is it? I'll need it to renew my passport most likely... it expires in 2009.

It's almost 9:30 p.m. on a Saturday night and I am getting ready for bed!! What is wrong with this picture? I am a single woman!! But I am sick!! I have been coughling like crazy for a few days now (as a bronchitis sufferer, this happens every time I get the slightest cold, sinus infection, etc.) and I have next to no voice. I am completely wiped out yet all I did today was work for 4 hours (not a strenuous job, I tutor!!) and spend some time walking around a local craft show called Santa's Stocking.

Well, that's all for now. I hope to have something really good to report soon!!

Petition

2007-10-05T19:33:00.000-04:00

As you can see from my last entry, titled "Very Scary," there are indeed some troubling things going on in regards to Guatemalan adoptions.

I urge everyone to sign this petition that will be sent to the President. Every signature counts, please think of the babies who are waiting to come home with their forever families, the babies yet to be born, the babies yet to be matched, and the families in the U.S. who can give these children a home.

Here is the link:

http://www.petitiononline.com/foafoa1/petition.html

At the time I have posted this link, the peitition has 28,472 total signatures. I signed it myself just a few days ago and I believe I was somewhere in the 11,000 range of signers. Please sign!!

Very scary...

2007-09-26T22:29:00.000-04:00

OK, I've been making the rounds of adoption blogs tonight and some of what I have been reading has me scared out of my mind. First off, there are many families who are in the midst of the process of adopting from Guatemala, with some very severe cases involving signatures not obtained. The adoptive mothers of some of these babies have been living in Antigua for almost a year now, fostering their babies. When Guatemala becomes a Hague country on Jan. 1, 2008, they will require all adoptions (even those in process) to meet Hague standards. Furthermore, they will not process adoptions to non-Hague member countries after Dec. 31, 2007. The United States is NOT YET a Hague member country. So the U.S. Department of State has issued a severe warning that when Guatemala becomes a Hague country on Jan. 1st, all adoption cases in process will not be grandfathered in and may not be able to be completed.

This is extremely scary for me, on two levels. First, I worry about all the people who are in process (in PGN, in family court, etc.) who are now facing the very real idea of losing this adoption. Second, I have not yet even yet begun the process and I am now feeling the very real threat of a second country closed to me for who knows how long. I can not adopt from China since I am not married, so after looking into the requirements for other countries, Guatemala looked like the best route for me to go.

Let's face it, there are not that many countries that a single woman can adopt from. I am very scared of this whole idea going up in smoke. I cannot even think about starting the process until I get back on my feet again and I don't know how long that is going to take.

I am very sad tonight, thinking about all the babies that have been referred and have loving families waiting for them in the U.S. I am very sad tonight, thinking about what this will all mean for me.

Waiting...

2007-09-19T21:47:00.000-04:00

I have never been good at waiting. I present a calm and peaceful, patient front to the world but I am dying inside because I can't stand waiting.

What am I waiting for? Right now I am waiting for responses to the tons of resumes I have sent out in the past few weeks. To date, I have interviewed at 8 schools for about 10 teaching positions and was not chosen by any of them. I cannot tell anyone how disheartening this is to me. I went into teaching because I felt called to be there, it wasn't a decision I made lightly. My first year of teaching was absolutely horrible, I was so sick (physically) for a long time and was working crazy hours. It seemed as though nothing I did was good enough for my principal. The highest praise I received from her was for finishing the year in such a positive mood. Again, that's the facade I wanted her and everyone else to see.

I have also had 1 non-teaching interview and it did not pan out either. So I've had 9 interviews and nothing yet. This has NEVER happened to me in the past and it is extremely scary.

The other thing I am waiting for is to begin the adoption process. Obviously, starting anything now when I do not have a full time job is not a good idea. The biggest factor in that right now is that I am not getting any younger and it has to happen probably in the next 2 - 3 years.

I've given up waiting to meet my soulmate. I just cannot concentrate on that right now. At this point, my immediate concern is employment/money and my secondary concern is the adoption. Even if I were to meet someone and get married, we would most likely have to adopt.

I am trying so hard not to let any of this get me down, but it is extremely difficult.

Pics

2007-09-16T15:07:00.000-04:00

I wanted to test the adding of photos to my blog posts!

This is a recent photo of Gracie.

This is a recent photo of Angel.

Aren't my girls beautiful???

My First Post

2007-08-30T22:29:00.000-04:00

This is my first adventure in blogging. I am going to use this blog to document my thoughts and feelings on adopting and when I get the process started, it will be chronicled here. I first have to get my employment situation sorted out.

Since it is not looking like I will get married any time soon, I have realized that adoption may be my only hope of becoming a Mom. Some people have asked if I have thought about trying artificial insemination but with my female related issues I don't think that would be a good route to go.

A long time ago, I started thinking and dreaming about one day adopting from China. But, due to recent changes in regulations put out by the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs, that dream has had to die for now. They no longer allow adoption by single women.

In my surfing adventures through adoption blogs, I have found out about adoption from Guatemala and it looks like the way to go for me. I have not yet attended an adoption seminar, which is the first step in the home study process.

I have not ventured into this without much prayer. I feel very led to adopting from Guatemala and it has been much more than a personal decision. I do not know how long this process is going to take or how much it is going to cost me. But I am not worrying about the financial costs right now, I am praying about it. The one thing I keep going back to is that if anyone waited until they had enough money to have, or adopt, a child then they may never be a parent.

I simply want to be a Mom. I know that I will love my child as much as if I had given birth. This child will be born in my heart.