Decisions, Decisions

It strikes me that life is full of decisions. These decisions make a major difference in a person's life. In the last few days, I have been seriously thinking of the various decisions I have made in my life and how they have affected me. Then it hit me... how many of these decisions have I tried to make on my own and how many of them have I put in the hands of the Lord and trusted Him to direct me in the right path? I'm afraid I have been quite lax in not trusting my Lord and Saviour to help me with the big and little areas of my life. I have always leaned towards Proverbs 3:5 as my life's verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Now I realize that I need to look at Proverbs 3:6 as well: "in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

This makes so much sense to me today, but it really didn't in the past. I have been a believer for 10 years now and it never gets any easier to put all my worries into His hands and trust that he will set me straight. I've been praying about this a lot lately. The clear direction I am seeing right now is that I need to take action in some areas of my life. Since my employment debacle of a couple months ago, I have really been seeking guidance. I love what we do - help children. I don't love the financial aspect of it, and it is my job to "sell" the program. We do make a difference in the lives of children, I just hate telling parents how much $$$ it will cost them in order for this difference to be made. And the hardest part of this position is the working hours. I work until 8pm at night so I eat way too late and stay up way too late, thus not getting up early in the morning to get things done around the house and run errands, etc. This is what I envisioned for my life when I first went full time with this company in May of last year. I can't keep working this schedule - it has turned me into a crazy night owl and I can't even go to bed at a decent time and wake up at a decent time on the weekends. So, in this crazy economy we are all living in, I have made the decision... no wait, I have asked for and gotten a clear answer on the path I should take... to look for something that better fits my life. At the present time, I still have no health insurance, no life insurance, and no retirement account to contribute to. I don't know what kind of vacation time I am allowed either... all questions which have been asked and not answered.

The biggest reason I have been on this new journey in life, to seek God's will and get on the right path, is so that I can finally adopt a child. I have been researching what countries are available to me and there are more countries than I originally thought. I need to get settled in a comfortable work environment with hours that are conducive to parenthood so that I can make this dream come true.

The only thing in my life I am not willing to give up to make this dream come true is my Faith. Without that, I am nothing but a shell.

Reflections on 2008

As I sit here at work on the last day of the year, I am prompted to reflect on this year. What has happened this year to me personally that is of any significance? What has happened in our nation and world?

Well, we have elected our first black President. Although I was not an Obama supporter, he is, or at least will be as of January 20th, our President and I will support him in any way that I can. We continue to be involved in Iraq and who knows how long that will go on. I do not profess to understand any of what is going on in that regard so cannot comment on the situation.

Personally, as I have documented on this blog, it is the desire of my heart to adopt a child. Yet another year has passed without any progress towards said adoption as there are still other areas of my life that need attention first.

Other areas of my life are documented here on my blog so I do not need to go back over my work situation - it is too draining to even think of typing it all out yet again.

As 2008 draws to a close, I have but one thought on my mind for 2009. It is the same thought that was on my mind one year ago.... when will I be a mother?

Wishing everyone a joyous New Year!! Please be careful tonight if you are going to be out and about.

Merry Christmas

Wishing everyone a very joyous holiday.

May we never forget...

"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.' Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying:
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. "

Luke 2:9-14

Scroll to the bottom!

Scroll to the bottom and leave a gift under my "Christmas tree"!!

This is a cute little toy that I posted on another site I have last year and just did it again this year.

Watch this!

This was an elf yourself video I made with me and my cats... it was only available until January 15th, unfortunately!!!

Until next year...

Why do I let things like this bother me?

So today is my day off and I decided to have lunch at Chik Fil*A while I was out running some errands. I get my order (chargrilled chicken club, usually very yummy!!) and go sit down to eat. Since I was there by myself, I had decided to bring my book inside to read while I was eating. As I started to eat, I realized that I had sat right by a big group of young moms and their children. It was then that I overheard the thing that is bothering me. One of the young mothers starts talking about how now that she is married and has children she doesn't feel like her friends who are single understand her anymore so really prefers to hang out with "people of her own kind"... that is, married and with children. She made some, in my opinion, quite disparaging remarks about those who are still single and their attitudes towards those who have children.

Well, this rocked me in a way that I simply cannot explain. Now maybe she was talking about some friends who have treated her horribly since her life has changed in that manner. But when I related what she said to my own life situation it felt like daggers hitting my heart. Here I am, 42 years old and still single. I've met quite a few men in my life but none that ended up being the type I would marry. And I have no idea at this point if I will even marry. But the bigger thing, for me is the fact that I desperately want children. And I have no ill feelings towards those who do have children - I understand it completely changes your life. I want that change in my life. But I am not able to have children, not married, and not financially able to pursue my dream right now - adoption.

So here I sit with an aching heart, yet again, and it is the holiday season - the time when my heart aches the most. I despise waking up alone on Christmas morning but it's what I have to do for now.

Please excuse this completely self pitying sounding post.... I had to get it off my chest.

Happy Thanksgiving

May your turkey be filled with warm stuffing, and your homes filled with warm hearts and thoughts on this holiday of thanks.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever."

Psalm 107:1

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.

So what happened?

Heck, I don't know how many readers I really have or even if anyone is wondering what happned... but here goes.

Yes, the new franchisee has taken over and closed 2 of the 3 centers on "this side" of the water (if you are local, you know what I mean). Of the 3 centers, the one I am currently in was the most centrally located. Quite a few of the kids from the closed centers have made the switch with us as well as most of the teachers. We how have 1 huge center with lots of kids receiving instruction. Still dealing with some parents who wanted their money back rather than make the extra drive and fit it all in with family schedules, etc. I am the Center Director and I have 2 Assistant Directors because we are so big.

So that is it in a nutshell... I am employed, was out of work for about 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks did a number on me financially though and we have all taken a significant pay cut which isn't good. We are awaiting word on our benefits and I have a scary feeling it won't be good working in such a small business. It's still very scary... it could happen again. I am still praying for the Lord's direction...

My Site has been Nominated!!!

I have no idea who nominated me but I was nominated for a "Love This Site" award!!! How cool is that??? Anyway, the box to take you to the voting site is in the sidebar, vote for me!!!

Quick Update

Well... a new franchisee has taken over and we have reopened for business. It's not exactly a celebration because so much is still uncertain. We have angry parents to contend with, confused kids, and confused teachers. We have merged three centers into one so I am not sure what my role will be as of yet. And I am also making considerably less than I made before until everything is all settled. There is a chance I will get the same position again but I am really unsettled by it all still. I am still looking as I think it would be a good idea to get into something a little more stable (but I wonder what exactly is stable anymore) and with more regular hours - working until 8:00 p.m. is dreadful.

Thanks for all your prayers and kind words!!