Very scary...

OK, I've been making the rounds of adoption blogs tonight and some of what I have been reading has me scared out of my mind. First off, there are many families who are in the midst of the process of adopting from Guatemala, with some very severe cases involving signatures not obtained. The adoptive mothers of some of these babies have been living in Antigua for almost a year now, fostering their babies. When Guatemala becomes a Hague country on Jan. 1, 2008, they will require all adoptions (even those in process) to meet Hague standards. Furthermore, they will not process adoptions to non-Hague member countries after Dec. 31, 2007. The United States is NOT YET a Hague member country. So the U.S. Department of State has issued a severe warning that when Guatemala becomes a Hague country on Jan. 1st, all adoption cases in process will not be grandfathered in and may not be able to be completed.

This is extremely scary for me, on two levels. First, I worry about all the people who are in process (in PGN, in family court, etc.) who are now facing the very real idea of losing this adoption. Second, I have not yet even yet begun the process and I am now feeling the very real threat of a second country closed to me for who knows how long. I can not adopt from China since I am not married, so after looking into the requirements for other countries, Guatemala looked like the best route for me to go.

Let's face it, there are not that many countries that a single woman can adopt from. I am very scared of this whole idea going up in smoke. I cannot even think about starting the process until I get back on my feet again and I don't know how long that is going to take.

I am very sad tonight, thinking about all the babies that have been referred and have loving families waiting for them in the U.S. I am very sad tonight, thinking about what this will all mean for me.

Waiting...

I have never been good at waiting. I present a calm and peaceful, patient front to the world but I am dying inside because I can't stand waiting.

What am I waiting for? Right now I am waiting for responses to the tons of resumes I have sent out in the past few weeks. To date, I have interviewed at 8 schools for about 10 teaching positions and was not chosen by any of them. I cannot tell anyone how disheartening this is to me. I went into teaching because I felt called to be there, it wasn't a decision I made lightly. My first year of teaching was absolutely horrible, I was so sick (physically) for a long time and was working crazy hours. It seemed as though nothing I did was good enough for my principal. The highest praise I received from her was for finishing the year in such a positive mood. Again, that's the facade I wanted her and everyone else to see.

I have also had 1 non-teaching interview and it did not pan out either. So I've had 9 interviews and nothing yet. This has NEVER happened to me in the past and it is extremely scary.

The other thing I am waiting for is to begin the adoption process. Obviously, starting anything now when I do not have a full time job is not a good idea. The biggest factor in that right now is that I am not getting any younger and it has to happen probably in the next 2 - 3 years.

I've given up waiting to meet my soulmate. I just cannot concentrate on that right now. At this point, my immediate concern is employment/money and my secondary concern is the adoption. Even if I were to meet someone and get married, we would most likely have to adopt.

I am trying so hard not to let any of this get me down, but it is extremely difficult.

Pics

I wanted to test the adding of photos to my blog posts!



This is a recent photo of Gracie.

This is a recent photo of Angel.

Aren't my girls beautiful???