Waiting...

I have never been good at waiting. I present a calm and peaceful, patient front to the world but I am dying inside because I can't stand waiting.

What am I waiting for? Right now I am waiting for responses to the tons of resumes I have sent out in the past few weeks. To date, I have interviewed at 8 schools for about 10 teaching positions and was not chosen by any of them. I cannot tell anyone how disheartening this is to me. I went into teaching because I felt called to be there, it wasn't a decision I made lightly. My first year of teaching was absolutely horrible, I was so sick (physically) for a long time and was working crazy hours. It seemed as though nothing I did was good enough for my principal. The highest praise I received from her was for finishing the year in such a positive mood. Again, that's the facade I wanted her and everyone else to see.

I have also had 1 non-teaching interview and it did not pan out either. So I've had 9 interviews and nothing yet. This has NEVER happened to me in the past and it is extremely scary.

The other thing I am waiting for is to begin the adoption process. Obviously, starting anything now when I do not have a full time job is not a good idea. The biggest factor in that right now is that I am not getting any younger and it has to happen probably in the next 2 - 3 years.

I've given up waiting to meet my soulmate. I just cannot concentrate on that right now. At this point, my immediate concern is employment/money and my secondary concern is the adoption. Even if I were to meet someone and get married, we would most likely have to adopt.

I am trying so hard not to let any of this get me down, but it is extremely difficult.