So today is my day off and I decided to have lunch at Chik Fil*A while I was out running some errands. I get my order (chargrilled chicken club, usually very yummy!!) and go sit down to eat. Since I was there by myself, I had decided to bring my book inside to read while I was eating. As I started to eat, I realized that I had sat right by a big group of young moms and their children. It was then that I overheard the thing that is bothering me. One of the young mothers starts talking about how now that she is married and has children she doesn't feel like her friends who are single understand her anymore so really prefers to hang out with "people of her own kind"... that is, married and with children. She made some, in my opinion, quite disparaging remarks about those who are still single and their attitudes towards those who have children.
Well, this rocked me in a way that I simply cannot explain. Now maybe she was talking about some friends who have treated her horribly since her life has changed in that manner. But when I related what she said to my own life situation it felt like daggers hitting my heart. Here I am, 42 years old and still single. I've met quite a few men in my life but none that ended up being the type I would marry. And I have no idea at this point if I will even marry. But the bigger thing, for me is the fact that I desperately want children. And I have no ill feelings towards those who do have children - I understand it completely changes your life. I want that change in my life. But I am not able to have children, not married, and not financially able to pursue my dream right now - adoption.
So here I sit with an aching heart, yet again, and it is the holiday season - the time when my heart aches the most. I despise waking up alone on Christmas morning but it's what I have to do for now.
Please excuse this completely self pitying sounding post.... I had to get it off my chest.
2 comments:
I think back to the days when I was single (and there were many years that I was!) and a few of my friends had gotten married. I remember being very hurt that I stopped hearing from some of them, but now that I am married and am busy with my family I have a little more of an understanding why we didn't see each other much. However, I do know that if we lived close to each other you would be a part of our lives and a part of our family. Things can change between friends when their situation in life changes, but hopefully they can still make room for each other in their lives!
You're not alone with the aching heart at the holidays either. I've felt cruddy the past few weeks because I don't have all kinds of wonderful heartwarming activities and events planned for my children for the holidays! I have more of a bah humbug attitude! I'm at least trying to have my kids follow some activities for Advent (though we're not keeping up with them too well either!).
Karen, I'm so sorry! I missed this post until now. I'm sorry you heard things that were hurtful. The person who said these things was surely speaking of specific "friends" in her specific situation. Still, I'm sorry you were hurt by her words:( You're in my prayers!
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