Saturday, January 3, 2009

Decisions, Decisions

It strikes me that life is full of decisions. These decisions make a major difference in a person's life. In the last few days, I have been seriously thinking of the various decisions I have made in my life and how they have affected me. Then it hit me... how many of these decisions have I tried to make on my own and how many of them have I put in the hands of the Lord and trusted Him to direct me in the right path? I'm afraid I have been quite lax in not trusting my Lord and Saviour to help me with the big and little areas of my life. I have always leaned towards Proverbs 3:5 as my life's verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Now I realize that I need to look at Proverbs 3:6 as well: "in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

This makes so much sense to me today, but it really didn't in the past. I have been a believer for 10 years now and it never gets any easier to put all my worries into His hands and trust that he will set me straight. I've been praying about this a lot lately. The clear direction I am seeing right now is that I need to take action in some areas of my life. Since my employment debacle of a couple months ago, I have really been seeking guidance. I love what we do - help children. I don't love the financial aspect of it, and it is my job to "sell" the program. We do make a difference in the lives of children, I just hate telling parents how much $$$ it will cost them in order for this difference to be made. And the hardest part of this position is the working hours. I work until 8pm at night so I eat way too late and stay up way too late, thus not getting up early in the morning to get things done around the house and run errands, etc. This is what I envisioned for my life when I first went full time with this company in May of last year. I can't keep working this schedule - it has turned me into a crazy night owl and I can't even go to bed at a decent time and wake up at a decent time on the weekends. So, in this crazy economy we are all living in, I have made the decision... no wait, I have asked for and gotten a clear answer on the path I should take... to look for something that better fits my life. At the present time, I still have no health insurance, no life insurance, and no retirement account to contribute to. I don't know what kind of vacation time I am allowed either... all questions which have been asked and not answered.

The biggest reason I have been on this new journey in life, to seek God's will and get on the right path, is so that I can finally adopt a child. I have been researching what countries are available to me and there are more countries than I originally thought. I need to get settled in a comfortable work environment with hours that are conducive to parenthood so that I can make this dream come true.

The only thing in my life I am not willing to give up to make this dream come true is my Faith. Without that, I am nothing but a shell.

1 comment:

Mary said...

Amen! I am not very good at letting Him be in control either. It amazes me how much happier I am when I do let Him. Of course, then I get in the way and try and take over...LET IT GO! to God.